Hurt of Soulmates and karmic lessons (Edited ver)

 

Well I never believed much in the shit that soul mates are not meant to be to be together… I believed in my happily ever after but now I know better.. As now I fell in love with one of my soul mates and she left me and it hurts really bad.. I do believe soul mates are not meant to last and I will tell you why..

But I wanna start this article not by philosophy but experiential learning from an event because when the heart hurts terribly, all you can do is keep asking a question in your head repeatedly.. “why the fuck did this happen to me “.. as you just don’t want it to happen again and again.. it just so hurts terribly and so you want to come up with rigid rules to avoid whatever happens.. to make sure it don’t hurt again.. but that’s not gonna happen because love will find you either way when its time.. you want to shut yourself up and never believe in love again..  to make sure you become cold and rigid like the rest and live a life not believing in love or thinking in any of this crap.. Living a simple life afraid to love.. Afraid to be hurt again.. A fake life, an artificial life..

I always believed in soul mates, I met by first soulmate when I went to a training program, when I was a kid aged 25ish.. she was almost twice my age, less 10 years.. but I was in love.. I immediately felt something was different, I felt awake around her.. it was too intense a connection. I wanted to connect all the time as she was elder and she understood but could do nothing.. she slowly stopped communicating after my repeated mails and as some of the mails hardly knew boundaries of a well behaved communication.. Overflowing with passion and my love for her..  I was like a puppy after her all the time.. her energies felt so soothing.. the connection felt eternal.. the feelings were beyond the limitations of words.. the connection felt beyond space and time and felt her everywhere.. all the time.. my lesson was sometime love is just unconditional and cannot be expressed or put in words.. it hurt terribly but nothing could be done..

Then years passed, on an off I still remembered her, I became better with my healing abilities and empathetic skills, distance reading and stuff, took variety of initiations and then I met her.. My soul mate that revealed me to my karma.. a total mirror reflection of me .. I was sitting in the coffee shop I saw her walk in.. felt a twinge of spark.. I came back and looked at her, looked into her eyes, saw innocence look back.. saw the beautiful hazel eyes and they looked back.. Tried to have a conversation with her about stuff.. she immediately opened up.. she was like me, lonely and hurt, looking for someone to vent out her feeling, looking for a shoulder.. an escape.. a love maybe.. whats wrong with that.. aren’t we humans, at least she is genuine.. we wait for our whole life to find someone and when we find them, our analysis takes over, we become analytic and critical and lose them.. She wasn’t like that, she was in the moment, wild babe who had been hurt by her irresponsibility but she won’t accept it.. she wanted it now, all the life, all the thrill, all the kill and I just can’t take that behavior.. I find that irresponsible and my bringing up doesn’t allow me to indulge in any irresponsible relationships.. Oh god, I felt Goosebumps when she came close to me in the shop and I felt a voice in my head saying.. she is the one.. tell her.. make her stay

We guys met next day, two times, one in morning again to tell her my story and then in evening again as I felt a magic around her and she wanted to emote more.. the evening was all about her ex relationship, how it hurt and how she had been fooled.. Denying all the time responsibility of having a relationship with someone she knew she couldn’t marry you.. Utter irresponsible behavior..  I tried make her understand that with her behavior of fuck me now or never, she is indeed attracting wrong partners and she must change herself and become not a person who just keep falling shoulder to shoulder or changing boyfriends but learn to be a little self-independent for once..Thats the only way out and not me fucking her right then.. she just wouldn’t stop crying like a baby of how bad it hurts when an ex leaves… I even told her I like you and that was a serious understatement.. She said she wasn’t ready and needed time and wanted to leave me forever as she thought what if she never gets over her ex and that would be being unfair to me.. in this aspect also she was like me –  a heroic savior with no compassion for self and hence this sacrifice.. as she doesn’t believe in her own happiness… hence creating more unhappiness for me, for us and attracting wrong relationships over and over again.. I realized its very deep similarity and a common karma.. Thoughts and patterns..

Next day I wanted to gift her something and tell her that I can be there whichever way she wanted me to be- like even irresponsible way.. I found her openness so divine.. like closest to god.. but something happened that stopped me.. I saw my Buddha calendar and it said “Don’t trust your own will on doorways to sensuality, it is a path of evil and leads to hell”.. I understood what it meant.. I had to let her become independent, let her get over her ex without any sex and stuff and she had to basically learn to do repentance for her errors and learn to stand erect and look herself in mirror and redeem herself just like I did last three four years and more. Off course I could help her by praying and connecting her to Buddhism but I couldn’t and shouldn’t drown myself coz of our combined karma of previous life times – irresponsible relationship about pleasure and sensuality, devoid of responsible behavior and feeling of sacrifice.. I can’t get into relationship with her right away.. That was clear.. Wont trust her.. she won’t trust me.. Unless we get over this karma..

The next day she said she is going and she is blocking me, and she will go and marry the boy of choice of her parents.. I tried to stop a lot, but kept my control, it hurt like hell and I wandered why did it always happen, the first soul mate who never communicates, the third soul mate who is so reckless and irresponsible.. I realized something..

“There are seven pieces to a whole, every single one of your seven soul mates represent your seven karmas that keep you blocked and at a lower level, each connected to a chakra and once you clear that karma from within you and your soulmate, your vibration changes, you rise one level higher.. “

This one in front of me was realization of my bad sexual karma, of irresponsibility when I was young and in a foreign country.. Moreover she was also reflecting my karma of having lack of compassion for myself, like always fighting what seeming an invisible war but not ever praying for my happiness, always believing I don’t deserve happiness and hence roaming in circles, irresponsible bout my life.. I realized that even if we have had a relationship, I would never trust her because of her irresponsible behavior.. This attitude of now or never.. Her feelings of being wanted and loved all the time right here and now.. as a result of the last irresponsible relationship.. Which was about only escaping and running from the present, avoiding all responsibility- I realized that this had become her second nature.. Just like it had become of mine running and running from self, never finding happiness within and as I was healing, this karma had come in front to heal myself and her.. in order to help us become responsible people realizing relationship is not about sex, but about loving and cherishing each other, about understanding and healing each other, not about exploiting or demanding attention, but about sacrificing and not asking for attention when you know someone is busy.. Only then can you trust your partner over time to not cheat on you as you also become a responsible partner.. “reckless relationship never work!!”  I realized this has happened because my last initiation three days back had left me with a warning, your major karmas will come in front of you in next few days… seek forgiveness.. have gratitude..

“Soul mates come in your life like to heal the soul through a special connection through love, through realization of a karma and how you can overcome it together.

They hurt you terribly only so you can realize that suffering is what you get when you sin, it’s not a retribution of god, it is your own karma coming in front of you again and again and best thing you can do is not keep running again and again from it but face it head on my praying for your soul mate and not judging them, healing them and as you heal them, you heal yourself and you heal that soul which was once whole but now its broken in 7 different parts all over the earth.. Just like LUCIFER- Seven letters, seven evil halves to tempt you and mankind to hell.. one of them is L- Lust.. And I swear I will save her from it through my prayers.. you can save your soul mates too as each of the soul mate is your savior and you are their savior.. Two halves together have incredible power together.. They reinforce each other in a positive way  of love and learn lessons of love rather in a loving way..  I have found three for sure.. how many have you found and saved..

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s