You know there are times you question everything, the times you are going the lowest of lows.. you even tend to question god.. they say these are signs that you are near wisdom and the kingdom of love.. the devil himself has taken care to arrive at your door.. eager to tempt you into path of evil.. eager to take you on way to hell… booze .. smoke.. one night stands.. spread temptation..
Well broken hearts can never say why they are sad or why nothing makes sense anymore, the fight, the struggle, for what, for the biggest pain is not the pain of losing a could be.. but of seeing all the dreams your heart can dream and then getting them seeing smashed into pieces in front of your eyes.. the pain of these dreams lying smashed and shattered is so terrible that you start questioning everything.. its like for those of you who have gone through breakup or divorce, you know what I mean when you say “if could be is just a could be, then why did it happen in the first place”
Undeniably we miss out on important answers..there are lessons to learn.. we don’t face them, we don’t wanna move on .. from someone that came for lets say just six months, flirted with us and we lost our heart as they ran away with it.. For someone who just came for a day or two and connected in a way that seemed impossible and turned out to be a married person and a spy to just scratch your wounds.. we all swear at those time.. now .. never ever ever again.. at least let me punish someone.. if not that person who flirted with me.. let me punish myself.. let me punish the ones that love me.. hence the chain cycle of negativity starts.. we start it with our choice, when we don’t accept that there is a lesson.. that sometimes it doesn’t last.. its not meant to for our own good.. But never the less we don’t accept and devil begins to spread.. through pain.. through booze.. through one night stands.. through irresponsibility..
I wondered and wondered what it all means.. I wondered when her spying will stop on me.. I wondered why I met the special one in those circumstances and lost her as soon as I met her.. I wondered what could I change.. I wondered whom could I punish.. And I decided to punish the devil through my healing myself and not another soul.. I decided If I can I may punish the ones who spies in a way that would be indeed terrible.. but I decided whom am I to.. “their karma goes with them, mine stays forever with me” – my fathers pet dialogue before he became my guardian angel … after all a small time pain and bye bye is better than divorce or pain for life.. whatever happens is for the best that the truth.. only truth.. I decided the best way to punish someone is through utter indifference that I do not care now if you exist or not.. I know you will pay for your deeds in this lifetime just as I paid through you.. But for those others who suffer.. let me tell you.. you are close this close.. seek penance and answers are there.. keep angels close for devil is close too.. don’t start spreading pain of the devil.. he believes in you to be the savior even if you don’t.. don’t let him stop you from spreading love.. from spreading happiness.. from spreading joy.. you are divine.. you shall always be..